Blahg

I wanted to write a nice blog about writing today. I really did. Unfortunately, I have an cold, for which the primary symptom thus far is a thorough sapping of energy. Instead of getting things done, then, I've mostly been doing the modern equivalent of laying around watching numerous episodes of The Wedding Story followed by Brady Bunch re-runs: killing time on the internet.

Among other things, I read this entire blog. Not kidding. Yes, it's aimed at men, but can you girls help being curious at what this potential traitor might be saying about us? As it turns out, what she has to say made me laugh. Also, it's all in lowercase. I have no idea what to do with that.

If you want to read about writing, Rachelle Gardner had a great post last week about the rules of writing, which I meant to link anyway because it tied in so well with other things I've written here. Enjoy.

Mindlessness and Amusement

Time to blog, and I've got nothing. Hmmm.

Thanks to a late night, my brain is pretty shot today, and if it can manage anything in the next couple of hours, it needs to work on essay. The last couple of sections still need writing--1500 words or so--and I might put a little time into it and then try and take the rest of the evening off.

Allow me to leave you for the weekend with something funny, something that will be understood by every writer, everyone who has ever worked in an office, and ... well, pretty much everyone who has ever used a printer. [Disclaimer: This is not quite squeaky clean. But it really is funny.]

Jenna Milquetoast and other stories

Awhile back, I ordered a veggie lasagna at a great little Italian restaurant. The guy behind the counter said "You look like a veggie lasagna."

Last night, our schola director brought chocolate bars for all the members--lovely treat, and we were all grateful. He let us pick which ones we wanted, and I took milk chocolate. I like milk chocolate. I don't mean to have bad taste, I just like the flavor. He said "I can see the personality coming out here."

... seriously, guys?

If you think I'm bland, it's only because you've never attempted to really cross me. Ha. :D

* * *

In other news, I've looked back over my blog posts this week and realized that I've talked about myself a lot (yeah, I know I just did it again.) To make up for that, here are some things that you might find interesting or helpful or humorous. At least, I did....

Normally I hate things that open up in pdf, but I loved loved loved Stratford Caldecott's piece on children's fantasy literature, Landscapes with Dragons and Angels, which John Granger linked awhile back. It's worth dealing with the frustrating format. In fact, I just read the whole thing again in outright defiance of other demands upon my time.

For all my writing friends, Rachelle Gardner is asking what we've given up to pursue our dreams. Reading her post and the comments is a great way to realize that you're not alone in your insanity. I haven't commented yet, but I would have to say that my sacrifices currently include all television and most movies, a lot of sleep, any kind of regular relaxation, and trying to pretend I'm not an introvert.

Tyler Stanton has been making me laugh all week. Among my favorites: Electronic Laughter: A Definitive Guide (although I've got enough teenage girl in me that it's really hard to stop myself from responding to funny stuff with "ahahahahaha! xD") and the Hate List. "If I made gift baskets for my enemies, I'd fill them with Mounds, Almond Joys and Zero Bars." Ahahahaha. xD

This also made me laugh. Classify yourself! I'm either a nerd or a dork. How about you?

* * *

I'm going to go clean house and enjoy some of the beautiful and very welcome sunshine before getting back to work. Have a happy weekend, everyone!

Homeschooled or Homeschooler?

This video explains the difference between the general perception of homeschoolers and the truth about most of those who were or are educated at home. It gave me some good laughs.

Maybe there should be a third category for those of us who fit the extremely-socially-awkward profile in high school ... and, indeed, perhaps into our early twenties ... but turned out relatively normal. (At least, I think I'm relatively normal now. Compared to my teen years, the improvement is extreme--you would all admit it if you knew. What--I don't have any pictures of my awkward teen years on my computer? Aww. Such a shame.)

SCL on Going Offline

Jonathan Acuff made me laugh on Facebook today. Here was his update, for those of you who haven't joined the Stuff Christians Like author's Facebook fans:

"The only thing Christians like more than the internet is taking a break from it. And telling you about it in a blog post or tweet."

I've actually done this--if it counts when you go overseas for two weeks without a computer and sort of decide to use that as get-control-of-your-online-addiction time. At any rate, a little break from the internet now and again can actually be a good thing. If you can fill all that free time with touring Europe, it can be a great thing.

Of course, going offline in this age is a little bit like taking a temporary vow of silence, especially when you're an introvert and a geek. Some of us converse more with a keyboard than we do with our voices. (My husband and I were just talking to each other on gchat ... while sitting side-by-side on the couch. We're nerds. We know.)

The SCL article on digital fasting is here. It is somewhat tongue-in-cheek, of course. You have to tell your friends if you plan to fast from Facebook, because otherwise they'll all text you to ask if you died.

Spelling Snark

I think I'll clear up a couple of issues for the world ... or I would, if the world read my blog.

Listen up, world! If you mean voilà!, as in French for "See there!", please say so. Please, please do not say "viola!", which is either 1) a musical instrument or 2) a flower or 3) an old-fashioned first name. Seriously—I have studied several languages at the alphabet level, and have never yet run across one in which the vowel combination "io" makes the sound "wah."

Similarly, "I before E except after C and when sounding like A as in neighbor or weigh (and on weekends and holidays and all throughout May ... Brian Regan, you rock)—and in the word 'weird!' " According to The Oatmeal, every time anyone spells it "wierd," a dolphin gets run over by a jet ski. Think of the dolphins!

The Oatmeal covered a lot of other common spelling errors in the above link. That piece is a little crass in places (okay, it's a lot crass all the way through—sorry about that), but by the end it's definitely harder to forget that there is no A in "definitely."

The Twelfth Day of Christmas

Happy Epiphany!

For the twelfth day of Christmas, I hereby give you ... ten boys a-singing. Believe me, you've never heard that carol done like this unless you've actually heard this.



Now I have Toto's Africa running through my head. Oh well. It's a fun song.

Zombie Post

I tried to write a real post tonight--honest. Couldn't do it. Sleep deprivation has caught up with me, and my creativity is gone.

Even sleepy, though, I find humor in John Mark Reynolds' explanation of the denominational affiliations of the various Bible authors. Enjoy.

As for me, I'll try to come back tomorrow ... with brains.

Currently Falling Asleep

... and must rise at the unholy hour of o'dark-thirty in the morning, so apologies for the short post.

I need to spend the next several days helping out my family while my mom visits my grandma in Florida, which will likely decrease my computer time by at least ninety-five percent. The middle of next week may pass before I can blog again. We'll see.

In the mean time, if you haven't seen the following video by a guy who has made a YouTube name for himself out of things along the lines of transparent angling ferrets, you should. It makes me laugh.

Lolcats in Rome

My husband has applied his genius to the ideals of icanhascheezburger.com:

Funny Line of the Week

I miss my story. (No, that's not supposed to be funny.)

This was somebody's signature line on the NaNo boards:

"If life gives you lemons, make orange juice. Let the rest of the world wonder how the $%?#! you managed it."

All right, I know I'm overwrought and even more easily amused than usual ... but that just makes me howl.

The Glad Game: Cold and Rain

Borrowing a little life-philosophy from Pollyanna today, I am glad. I am glad that I live in the land of cold and rain.

I am glad because we have no tarantulas. In discussion with friends the other night, I learned that tarantulas jump--high and far--and that they migrate across the highways in such large groups that signs have to be placed warning drivers to watch for them. If you don't watch for the tarantula migration, and actually drive into it, you can spin out on spider guts. That's bad enough, but then you're stuck in a spun-out car and the tarantulas are still walking. When do tarantulas migrate? I am never going to Flagstaff at that time of year.

I am also glad because we have no scorpions.

Hat tip to CMR for the above link, which is one of the funniest stories I've seen in a long time. It's sympathetic laughter--the same basic experience could happen to me any day. It wouldn't take a poisonous stinging insect. A wolf spider would do just fine.

At first I planned to give this post a picture of a tarantula or scorpion, but after several minutes of gagging and shuddering over the images I found, I decided not to subject all of you to them.

Grammar Lessons from Joey Tribbiani

Our insurance agent sent Lou a birthday card last month. It said the following, and I quote:

Happy Birthday
"Thanks for your business"

I think we threw it out already. Should've sent a photo of it to these people.

Funny Line of the Week

"Oh yeah, and if I wind up going to hell, it will look like Branson, Missouri. That city doesn't know the meaning of the word 'tacky.'"

Matt of 'The Church of No People'

Disclaimer: I've never been to Branson (so I can't concur or dissent) and I usually don't appreciate mockery of the South ... but hey, that was funny.

I found that quote by linking off Jon Acuff's blog (always worthy of mention in humor recommendations), where a guest post by Matt provided another one of the funniest things I've seen all week:

"Contrary to popular belief, Christians aren’t always perfect people. Maybe you have a bumper sticker or a bracelet that says, “W.W.J.D.,” but my bracelet says “W.W.J.L.M.G.A.W.J.T.O.I.I.S.I.W.R.S.A” (What would Jesus let me get away with just this once if I said I was really sorry afterward?) Yes, I have really big wrists."

That last post is hysterically funny and well worth the read. I found it difficult to pick which part to quote. Enjoy.

Update & Humor Aggregation

In celebration of one month of being a homemaker, I write this post with my hair still wet. Spring having removed the need for the old furnace in the kitchen, and clouds having covered the sun, my only offensive weapon against the water absorbed by eighteen-plus inches of very thick hair was a blow dryer, and I found that a little too daunting for this morning.

I have something of a routine now. I have days for laundry and errands and the normal house scrub-down. Other days get special projects, like the tomato plants I have growing in the living-room windows, and blogging. I get some sleep. Instead of jolting out of bed at 6:45, I get up with Lou at 7:30; then, if I need a nap later, I can take one. It amazes me, now that the workaday adrenaline has mostly worn off, that it is possible to be this tired.

The list of "Things I don't have time for" has changed. I rarely get around to listening to podcasts. I don't listen to music as often. My stack of books to read has gone down a little, though it tends to replenish itself when I'm not looking. The Internet is still my primary temptation to timewasting, and I have to watch the tendency to do things like read antagonistic sites for the purpose of finding out why They hate Us so much (as far as I can tell, the entire business of politics is made up of smear and scoundrels.)

But I do have a limited regular blogroll, and in case anyone hasn't been reading the same stuff I have over the last few weeks, here are a few things that made me laugh out loud:

1. Remember my old posts about transparent angling ferrets and the song about someone who died the other night? Whether you do or not, you may enjoy finding that I'm not the only person in this world who likes to publish their problematic hearing of song lyrics. Check out CMR's examples, starting with "Big Ol' Jed Left A Light On". There are some good ones in the comments, too. I contributed, though I forgot about the Alanis Morrissette song. If I'd remembered that Edwin McCain sounds to me like he says "I'll be flabby when I'm older" instead of "better when I'm older", that would have gone in the comment too.

2. A favorite creative-writing exercise of mine has been coming up with book titles and absurdly appropriate author's names. Among my favorite creations are "The Ways Crime Pays by Rob Banks", "Discrimination and America's Top Universities by Sue Stanford" and "Give Yourself a Pep Talk by Ida Mann". The Internet Monk had some fun this week coming up with some book titles of a different sort. I got a big kick out of them, and comment #7 pretty much made me cry laughing. [Disclaimer: If anyone from Stanford comes by here, I picked on that school unfairly and did so only because the name was alliterative.]

3. Thanks to my friend Jana, I have recently rediscovered Jon Acuff's "Stuff Christians Like", an accruing satirical list of things we Christians enjoy. He puts up funny stuff on a regular basis and sometimes the comments are hilarious too. Among my favorite recent posts are "#521. Judging people that use the Table of Contents in their Bible" and "#515. Taking a sympathy scoop from the dish no one eats at the pot luck".

4. If you've gone through all of those and you can still breathe, there's always Dave Barry. Hat tip to Beth, who instant-messaged me with this one today. Get more out of your toilet.